Learning to Remember
by Doc House
Summary: Based in early Season Three. CJ's dad dies, and Toby takes her back home to say goodbye. TobyCJ
1. Learning to Remember 1

"Learning to Remember"

Written by: Melissa (Doc)

NOTES: This was written during Season Three, prior to any information on CJ and her family.

Part 1

"Good morning everyone." Leo greeted.

"Morning Leo," CJ replied first.

"Can we possibly start having these meetings a little bit later? This seven in the morning sucks." Josh sunk in his chair and yawned.

"Josh, stop whining," Leo warned. "Listen, the President is in Europe for some reason…"

"Abbey demanded a small vacation," CJ laughed when she remembered the Presidents reaction to Abbey demanding a vacation. All he did was look at her while she dictated orders to everyone.

"Anyway, if we can get our meetings done this morning, we can all go home early tonight." Leo offered. As an afterthought, he turned and looked at Josh. "Everyone except Josh."

"Why me?" Josh shouted.

"Because you started the morning whining," Leo answered with a smile. "Now, back to the meetings. CJ and Toby, you have meetings in about ten minutes. CJ, you will be meeting with Congressman Wilson. He was elected to let you know the Republicans' annoyance at what the National budget is, and where they think it should be."

"This should be fun," CJ moaned, sulking down in her seat.

"And Toby. You are not going to like this, but the NEA…"

"I finished this thing a month ago Leo," Toby argued.

"Well, they want to be yelled at some more apparently. They asked for you specifically. They like you," Leo smiled at Toby's glare.

"They know I hate talking about this…" Toby began to explain, waving his hands in the air to help illustrate his anger.

Leo knew Toby's look, and didn't want to spend the rest of the morning listening to Toby moan about the NEA, he interrupted. "Yes, but they get the feeling that you are at least listening to them. So just spent a little time with them and send them packing."

"Fine." Toby mumbled while he started pacing again.

Leo continued. "Sam and Josh, your meetings are around ten. Donna and Bonnie have the files."

"Yeah." Both grunted in reply.

"Anything else?" Leo looked around. "Have a great day."

"Thank you," Everyone moaned and walked out.

"Why do I get the NEA?" Toby asked as he walked down the hall next to CJ.

"They like you," She smirked.

"Quit having so much fun with this," He warned.

"If it makes you feel better, I have to go explain to an irate Republican Congressmen on why the National budget is where it is. Yet he's going to yell at me and tell me his ideas on how to fix it."

"Yeah well, he likes you," Toby smirked. "That does make me feel better. Thanks."

"Get away from me," CJ pushed Toby against the chest with a smile and walked back to her office.

CJ saw her secretary writing down a phone message when she arrived. "Carol, I need…"

"Right here," Carol handed the folder she would need for the meeting.

CJ smiled at Carol's quick action. "Thank you very much."

"He's waiting for you in the Roosevelt room." Carol mentioned.

"You think it's too late to call in sick?" CJ asked wishfully.

"Maybe just a little," Carol chuckled and went back to work. CJ tossed some papers in her office before heading over to the Roosevelt room to get the meeting over with.

* * *

"Ginger, this isn't the file I wanted," Toby shouted from his office.

"Toby," Ginger walked in. "you asked for the NEA report."

"This is last years. I need the report from this year." He looked at her as if she should have known that.

"Toby, you asked for the report for the year 2001," Ginger huffed.

"Isn't this 2001?" Toby asked seriously.

"This is sad. I'll get it," Ginger rolled her eyes and stormed out annoyed.

"Time goes by fast when you're having fun," Toby smirked to himself.

"Toby," Carol walked in.

"She in yet?" He asked while looking for something on his desk.

"Yeah, she went in about five minutes ago. He came early." Carol glared when she saw a smile flicker on Toby's lips.

"I would have made him wait," Toby said in no one in particular.

"Yeah, listen. There's some guy on line three for CJ. He said it's an emergency and refuses to hang up unless he talks to her." Carol explained.

"Then get her out of the meeting…" Toby began to mention.

"That's the thing. I can't. The Congressman put a 'Do not disturb' sign on the door." She dead-panned.

"Are you serious?" Toby said as the corner of his mouth began to curl up. Maybe the NEA isn't that bad of a meeting, he thought.

"Yeah," Carol shook her head at Toby's attitude regarding CJ's meeting from hell. "I told the guy on the phone she was in a meeting, and he said to get him you."

"Who is it?" Toby asked.

"He didn't say."

"What do you mean he…"

"I asked him, but he said he needed her." Carol defended.

"It's probably CJ's date from last night wanting to know why she left so early," Toby laughed, but received a glare from Carol. "That was a joke."

"Not funny. Can you take the call?" She asked while crossing her arms, protecting her boss by her look.

"Only because you look like you're about to hurt me," Toby replied softly.

"Line three," Carol glared before walking out, shutting the door behind her. She smirked once she left his office, happy she scared him.

"She's getting to be another CJ," Toby moaned while sitting down. He took the phone and pressed line three. "Toby Ziegler," He answered harshly. He sat there in silence as the person at the other end spoke. He put his head in his hands and took a deep breath. "I'll let her know," Toby offered when the man finished. Toby hung up the phone and sat there in shock. He leaned back in his chair and looked out the window for a minute. He took another deep breath and began to walk out.

"Toby, you're late," Ginger shouted when he walked out of his office.

"Get Sam to take the meeting…" Toby spoke without the authority that he usually has. His voice was low and breaking.

"Don't try to get out of it, Toby. Leo warned me not to let you. You have to take it." Ginger explained before she picked up on his look and tone of voice. She stepped closer to offer support. "Toby?"

"Something happened," Toby didn't even look at her. He just kept looking at the window in front of him. Looking lost in thought.

"Toby?" Ginger repeated softly. She knew something was wrong. "What happened?"

"Just get Sam to take the meeting." His tone yet again betraying him. He just looked at her with a pleading look.

"I'll find him," Ginger patted Toby on the arm. She gave him a quick smile and went to find Sam. Toby walked over to the Roosevelt Room and peered through the glass and saw CJ talking. He stood there for a few minutes and then tapped on the glass. CJ looked up and saw the look in his face as he motioned for her to come out. She ignored the Congressmen yelling for her to stay and walked out, shutting the door behind her.

"Did you come to gloat some more?" She smiled while walking up to him. "And why aren't you at your meeting?"

"CJ, I just took a call," Toby said quietly as he prepared to give CJ the dreadful news.

TBC


	2. Learning to Remember 2

Part 2

"Toby, what is it?" CJ began to get worried. She didn't like what she saw in Toby's eyes.

"CJ, we should go to your office…" Toby said in such a soft voice, CJ almost didn't hear him.

"Tell me Toby," She grabbed his arm. "What happened? Is it your family?"

"No, CJ." Toby couldn't look into her eyes. He really didn't want to be the one to tell her this. "CJ, something happened this morning. That call I just took was from Michael."

"Michael who?" CJ asked dumbly.

"Your brother," He looked into her eyes this time. CJ knew it wasn't good. She moved back against the wall, feeling maybe if Toby didn't tell her the news, it wouldn't really be true.

"Toby, why did my brother call you?" She whispered.

"CJ, I'm sorry…"

"Don't," CJ cut him off. "Don't tell me this Toby," CJ could feel the tears fall down her face. She knew even before Toby told her.

"CJ," Toby grabbed her arms gently. "I'm sorry, but your father died this morning," Toby said softly.

"No," CJ felt her knees buckle and she started to fall to the floor. Toby had hold of her, making sure she went down easy so she didn't hurt herself. He put his arms around her as she buried her face into his shoulder. They were both on their knees, rocking back and forth. Toby looked up and saw Josh and Sam running down the hall, concern pouring off of them. When they got close enough, Toby shook his head.

"CJ, lets go to your office," Toby whispered in her ear. He didn't hear or feel a response. All CJ could do was cry and hang onto him. She was screaming hoarsely for her father, telling Toby he must have heard Michael wrong. Toby looked over at Sam and Josh and nodded his head toward the people who had gathered around them in curiosity. Josh and Sam got the hint and started moving people away. Ordering them to get back to work. As soon as everyone was gone, Toby tried to stand up, but CJ's grip on him made him stay down with her. Toby rubbed lazy circles on her forehead, which got her to look up at him.

"Please Toby, tell me this isn't happening?" She cried out to him. "Please, that's all I want to hear," Toby wiped some of the tears off her face, cursing himself for having to be the one to deliver the news that hurt her.

"I'm sorry," He whispered, complete honesty in his tone. She put her head back down on his chest and started screaming at him. Telling him that he was lying. He grabbed her arms and made her stand up with him. She moved her head up to his neck, and left it there. No one could see her face as they walked down the hall. They just heard the cries from CJ. As they walked into CJ's office, Toby laid her down on her couch and shut the door. He sat on the floor next to her and ran his fingers through her hair. Trying to calm her down.

* * *

"What the hell happened?" Josh asked while running into Carol near CJ's office.

"I don't know. Toby just took her to her office." Carol explained. She looked pale as a ghost. She's never seen her boss like that.

"They didn't say anything?" Josh looked over to CJ's office. He had watched Toby walk CJ into the office and shut the door. "Should I go in there?" His voice cracked. He wanted to help CJ with whatever it was that had happened. Normally, he would have just barged in without thinking about it. But his gut was telling him to let Toby help her for the moment.

"I think maybe they're better of alone right now," Carol said. "Whatever it is, she trusts Toby enough to help her." She asked herself if that call had anything to do with it.

"Yeah," Josh understood. "I just want to know what happened," Just then, Josh saw CJ's office door open and Toby watched as Toby walked out slowly. He quietly shut the door and then leaned against it. He looked down and took a couple of deep breaths. He looked up and saw Josh standing there with Carol. Sam came over with Donna and they all looked over to Toby. After a few seconds, Toby started walking over to them slowly.

"What happened?" Sam asked in a hushed tone once Toby got close enough.

"Her brother called this morning. She was in a meeting, so he asked for me." Toby replayed the scene of telling CJ the news again in his head. How her smile faded, and how he watched her face fall as he told her. How she held onto him as if she was drowning and he was the only thing standing between her and death.

"And?" Josh was getting impatient as he watched Toby staring at them with a blank expression.

"CJ's father died this morning," Toby answered in almost a whisper, then looked over at her office.

"Oh God," Carol shook her head as she began to cry for her boss and friend.

"How is she now?" Josh asked after the news sunk in.

"She's asleep. Carol, I want complete silence around her office. Sam, you take the briefings, and Josh, I want you to finish the meeting with the Congressmen." Toby voice still didn't covey his normal tone of authority.

"Yeah," Josh nodded without hesitation. "What are you going to do?" He asked as Toby's eyes darted between them and CJ's office.  
"I'm going to get CJ a plane ticket to Dayton. The funeral is in three days." Toby replied.

"Should she really be going alone?" Sam asked in a voice full of concern for CJ.

"She won't be alone Sam. She has three brothers that will be there, and her mother. I'll call Michael and have him wait for her at the airport." Toby consoled.

"If you need any help, just let us know," Josh added before hurrying to the Roosevelt Room.

"What should I say if the Press asks about CJ?" Sam asked, getting down to business.

"Say we don't comment on the personal lives of the senior staff. If they harp on it, I'll take care of them." Toby threatened.

"Okay," Sam smiled at Toby's sudden protectiveness and went to work.

"Should I do anything?" Carol asked in a voice that begged for something to do.

"While I'm in my office making the arrangements, just keep an eye on her. If she wakes up, get me." Toby said.

"Okay," Carol nodded and walked back to her desk, staring at CJ's office door the whole time.

"Do you need any help?" Donna stepped in and asked.

"Yeah," Toby looked over at her. "Can you get Leo and tell him I need to speak with him and the President?"

"Sure thing," Donna smiled weakly. "This is really sweet of you, doing this for her."

"She did this for me when my father died. And, I think she needs some help right now." Toby replied with a shrug.

"I'll go talk with Leo," Donna squeezed his arm and walked away. Toby stood there for a minute and watched everyone running around, trying to get things done. He looked over at CJ's office once more and saw that the door was still closed. He closed his eyes tight to hold back the tears for his broken friend. Then when he opened them, he headed off to his office to start on the arrangements.

TBC


	3. Learning to Remember 3

Part 3

CJ woke up hours later. She noticed that it was dark outside. She sat up and looked around her office. Her body felt so weak. She could feel her heart beating fast, and she felt wetness on her face from the tears. She had hoped all of it was just a bad dream, but she knew it wasn't. She sat there for a while and took everything in. He was sick. She knew that. But it still hurt. She just talked to him last night. He seemed to be getting better. He remembered their conversation from last week and everything. And now, he's gone. Just like that.

CJ grabbed her coat and her bag and walked out of her office.

"CJ, do you need anything?" Carol jumped up when she saw her boss.

"I just have to go home," CJ whispered. "I need you to get me a plane ticket to Dayton."

"Toby did it already," Carol went to her desk and grabbed it. "It's for tomorrow at seven in the morning." Carol explained while handing the information over to CJ.

"Toby did this?" CJ asked, her voice too strained to hold any emotion.

"Yeah, he also has Sam doing your briefings until Simon gets here tomorrow. And Josh finished with the Congressmen." Carol explained, hoping some of it would help CJ right now.

"Okay, listen, why don't you head home." CJ offered.

"I'm okay, I have some things to finish up," Carol smiled.

"Just don't stay too late," CJ replied calmly.

"I won't," Carol said. "Stay in Dayton as long as you need to CJ."

"Thanks," CJ smile was faint. "I'll call so you can keep me informed."

"Don't worry about it. We'll be fine," Carol smiled. "And I'm sorry."

"Thank you," CJ nodded her thanks and walked out. She could tell everyone was looking at her. She just walked past them like they weren't even there. All she wanted to do was get home.

* * *

"Have you seen her?" Leo asked as Toby finished telling him what happened with CJ.

"I left her in her office. She fell asleep." Toby explained.

"How is she?" The President voice boomed out of the phone on Leo's desk. Since he wasn't there, they had to do a phone conference.

"She's taking it pretty badly, but that's to be expected, I guess." Toby shrugged, leaving out detailed information on her reaction to the news.

"When is she going to Dayton?" Jed asked.

"She leaves tomorrow morning at seven. I tried to get one tonight, but I didn't know when she would wake up." Toby sounded almost apologetic.

"Did someone call Simon?" Leo asked.

"I got a hold of him and he'll be here tomorrow," Toby answered. "I…" Just then, Margaret came in unannounced.

"Do you not know how to knock?" Leo snapped.

"I'm not here to talk to you," Margaret snapped back. She turned and faced Toby. "Toby, Carol said CJ left. She said something about needing to go home."

"Okay, thanks," Toby said. "I should go make sure she gets home okay." Toby looked over at Leo.

"Yeah, tell her to stay as long as she needs to," Jed offered. "I have to get going. We land soon."

"Thank you Mr. President."

"Take care of her Toby." Jed ordered.

"Yes sir," Toby promised before Jed hung up.

"She doesn't handle pain very well," Leo mentioned.

"I know," Toby looked down. "I called her mother. She's expecting her tomorrow."

"You seem to know CJ's family pretty well." Leo said without much shock.

"I've known CJ for more than twenty years. During which, she has made me go to her family reunions at least five times." Toby mentioned with a hint of amusement in his voice.

"So, you knew her father?" Leo asked.

"Yeah. I remember one night we were staying over there. More family members came than usual, so CJ and I had to share a room. The bed was a single and couldn't fit both of us on it without resorting to groping, basically. So she got me some blankets and I slept on the floor. Well, I didn't really sleep. That was the night their heater broke in the house and I was freezing my butt off, so I went downstairs to make some coffee. Her dad was up reading the newspaper and we talked for a while. Then he beat me at chess." He described the memory to Leo with a smile.

"He beat you at chess?" Leo smiled, trying hard not to bring up the bed and groping statement.

"At least twenty times," Toby smirked. "He was one hell of a player."

"Sounds like a great guy."

"He was," Toby nodded. "I should go check on CJ."

"Okay," Leo smiled weakly. "She trusts you Toby," Leo said before Toby walked out. "Take care of her."

"I will," Toby said over his shoulder as he left.

TBC


	4. Learning to Remember 4

Part 4

Toby drove to CJ's house and found her car parked in the driveway. He could see her moving around inside. He was thinking about going in to talk to her, but decided against it. She needed some space right now. He had asked Michael to call him to let him know how CJ was doing while she was in Dayton. He felt she was in good hands. This was a time to be with family, and he knew that. Toby looked up one last time and then drove away.

CJ didn't sleep that night, mostly because she had slept all day at work. She got all her clothes together and got her suitcases out and packed them. She looked up at the clock and saw that it was five in the morning. She wanted to get to the airport around six to avoid the traffic. She thought about calling her mom or brothers, but it was too early and if they were sleeping, she didn't want to wake them. She finished packing and took her things downstairs. She tossed the suitcase on the couch just as she heard a knock at the door.

"Who is it?" CJ asked while checking the clock again.

"It's me," CJ went over to the door and opened it at the sound of his voice.

"What are you doing here?" She asked as Toby walked in.

"I wanted to see you before you left." He replied with a shrug.

"I just finished packing," She walked over to her couch. She was finding it hard to look at him as her head filled up with memories of yesterday.

"I hope you didn't mind me making the arrangements," Toby paced nervously, noting her refusal to look at him.

"No, it was fine. Thank you," She still looked down at her couch.

"Um…I talked to Leo and the President and they said to take as much time as you need. Don't hurry home," Toby looked at her and begged silently for her to look back. "CJ…"

"It's fine," She said quickly and walked passed him and into the kitchen. "I just need to finish some things."

"Why won't you look at me?" He asked softly, resisting the urge to reach out and touch her.

"Toby, it's five in the morning on a Saturday," She pointed out, still not looking at him.

"I know."

"Why are you here?" She finally took a breath and looked over at him. He looked different to her today. He was wearing faded jeans and a tee-shirt.  
"I wanted to see you." Toby said honestly as he studied her face.

"Toby, it's February. Where's your coat?" She asked coldly.

"I forgot it," Toby smiled weakly, glad she was acting like herself again. Yelling at him for not taking care of himself, which she did all the time.

"I swear, it can be ten below outside and you would go out in shorts." She crossed her arms and managed to glare at him.

"I like cold weather."

"Why are you here again?" She shook her head and passed him again, but this time, he reached out to her and grabbed her upper arm softly. She stopped and looked at him.

"I wanted to see you," He repeated. "I wanted to make sure you were okay."

"My father just died and you want to know if I'm okay?" She bit her lip at the harshness in her voice.

"You know what I mean, Claudia," He warned. She stood there for a moment and stared at him.

"What didn't you just call me?" She asked calmly.

"It seems to be the only way to get you to listen to me sometimes," He said while letting her go.

"I'm fine," She said simply and walked over to the couch.

"You're not looking at me any more."

"Because I'm in a hurry."

"Should I go?" He asked.

"I'll be leaving soon, so…"

"Okay," Toby nodded. "Promise me something before I go," He asked while standing in front of the door.

"What?" She looked up at him.

"If you need anything. Anything at all. Please call me," He pleaded. "Promise me that CJ."

"I promise," She looked down again, tears threatening in her eyes again. "I should get the rest of the…"

"Yeah," He nodded and opened the door to leave.

"Toby," CJ said quickly before we walked out. He stuck his head back in.

"Yeah?"

"If I asked you to come with me, what would you say?" She was shocked that she actually asked that.

"That depends," He walked back in.

"On what?" She asked.

"Do you want me to go with you?" He asked. CJ looked down a minute and then walked over to him.

"Yes," She whispered. "I'm scared to go alone."

"Then I'll go with you," He patted her on the arm. "I'll go."

"Thank you," She smiled weakly and moved back over to the couch. "I want to get there by six, even earlier if we need to get you a ticket. So you should go pack."

"Oh yeah," Toby smiled and opened the door again. He reached for something and carried it in. "I'm packed."

"You came packed?" She asked with a smirk.

"I was hoping you would ask me to come with you." He mentioned.

"And the ticket?"

"I got one last night when I got yours."

"What about Leo…"

"I called him last night and he told me to go. He thought it was a good idea. They're bringing in Bruno to help out with me gone."

"So everything is fine?"

"Everything is fine," He said.

TBC


	5. Learning to Remember 5

Part 5

Both CJ and Toby slept during the plane ride to Dayton. They didn't even wake up until the flight attendant let them know they were landing in five minutes.

"I guess I was tired," CJ smiled.

"Yeah, me too," Toby rubbed his eyes.

"Do you know how long it's been since I saw you in jeans?" She asked with a grin tucking the corner of her mouth.

"I try not to scare that many people by wearing them," He joked.

"Very funny," She chuckled.

"You hanging in there?" He looked over at her.

"Yeah," She took a deep breath then grabbed his hand. "Thank you for doing this."

"What are friends for," He smiled. They sat in silence as the plane landed. When they exited, CJ could see her mom waiting for her. She looked over at Toby who nodded for her to go over to her. CJ ran up to her mother and wrapped her arms around her.

"There's my girl," Anna Cregg said while hugging her back. CJ took her other arm and put it around Michael who was standing close.

"I'm so sorry mom," CJ cried.

"Toby, I didn't know you were coming," Michael said and shook his hand. "I'm glad to see you," He smiled.

"Thanks," Toby smiled back. "I'm sorry about your father."

"Thanks," Michael patted Toby on the back.

"Is this Toby?" Anna walked over to him and wrapped her arms around him. "It's been so long since I saw you."

"It's good to see you," Toby hugged her back nervously.

"I'm glad you came."

"Well, you did ask me to," Toby smiled and kissed her on the cheek.

"You asked Toby to come?" CJ asked wiping away some tears.

"Of course I did. He was the one man you ever brought home that I really liked," Anna declared.

"Thanks," Toby smiled.

"You two must be starving, Michael, help Toby get the bags. Claudia and I will go wait in the car."

"Okay," Michael smiled and walked with Toby over to get the luggage.

"Come on dear," Anna took CJ's hand and led her out to the car.

"It means a lot to her that you came," Michael said. "It means a lot to all of us."

"I kind of felt I would be intruding," Toby mentioned.

"Not at all. Like mom said, you're like a part of the family. I know Claudia feels good that you came too."

"I feel good too," Toby smiled. They got the rest of the bags and headed out to the car.

"There are my boys," Anna smiled. "I made a home cooked meal for you two."

"You didn't have to do that mom," CJ said.

"Cooking lets me let go. It helps me heal," She smiled weakly as Michael and Toby got in the back.

"That sounds good," CJ smiled.

"I hope you like Italian food Toby," Anna said.

"My favorite," He smiled.

"Great," Anna said as she drove off. "I hope you don't mind sleeping on a cot. I think we're out of beds."

"Thanks, but I have already made arrangements at the Sunbridge hotel."

"You're not staying at the house?" CJ turned around and looked at him.

"I'll be over most of the time, but you all should all have time to spend together. Just family."

"You are family Toby," Anna pointed out. "But I understand where you're coming from."

"Thanks," Toby smiled. CJ was still looking at him. Toby reached up and rubbed her shoulders to indicate that it was all right. She smiled and turned around.

TBC


	6. Learning to Remember 6

Part 6

When they got to the house, they noticed all the cars parked outside.

"Looks like everyone is here," CJ said.

"Yeah, they came this morning. They can't wait to see you," Anna mentioned as she parked the car and they all got out. CJ grabbed Toby's hand and looked at him.

"You can stay here." She offered.

"CJ, I'll be five miles away. If you need anything, I'll be here in a heartbeat," Toby smiled and kissed her cheek. "It will be fine."

"Yeah," She nodded and smiled as Toby led her into the house. He always felt intimidated around her family. The only person Toby was taller than was Anna.

"Claudia," Everyone yelled as they walked in. Everyone took his or her turn to hug her and shake Toby's hand.

"Toby Ziegler, it's great to see you again," CJ's younger brother Brian came up and hugged him. "I'm glad you came."

"Thanks, I'm sorry about your father, Brian."

"Thanks," Brain nodded.

"Toby," CJ's other older brother came over to him. "It's great to see you."

"It's great to see you too, Alex. I just wish it was under different circumstances."

"Yeah," Alex nodded. "Dad would have liked to see you again."

"I'm sorry Alex," Toby said.

"Thanks," He nodded and allowed CJ and Toby to go around the room. There were at least twenty people there. Toby recognized some of them. They were CJ's aunts and uncles, and all the nieces and nephews.

"Did you guys leave Claudia and Toby some food?" Anna asked.

"We made them each a plate and put it in the fridge," Alex said.

"Come on you two," Anna grabbed CJ and Toby's hands and led them into the kitchen. In there, it was quiet. "This is why I love to cook. It's quiet."

"How are you holding up mom?" CJ asked.

"I miss him," Anna looked down. "I loved him very much. But I understand that he was sick. The thing keeping me going is knowing that he's in a place where he's not hurting anymore"

"I agree," CJ smiled.

"You know. He was very proud of you, Claudia. He became addicted to CNN because of you," She smiled while warming up their food. "He used to scream every time you came on, 'That's my girl.'" Anna smiled and handed them each a plate full of food. "He even screamed when he saw Toby."

"Me?" Toby asked.

"He respected you so much Toby. He asked you to take care of Claudia, and you did. He never forgot that," Anna smiled and patted Toby on the back. "Now eat up. You can use my car to get to and from the hotel. That is, if you haven't changed your mind."

"It's fine. Thanks though," Toby smiled.

"Eat up. I'll be in the family room," Anna said as she walked out.

"Your mom is one amazing woman," Toby said as he began eating the food.

"Slow down, you don't have to inhale it," CJ laughed for the first time since hearing the news. It startled her. "Should I have done that?"

"Laughed?"

"Yeah."

"CJ," Toby grabbed her hand. "I knew your father. He wouldn't want everyone acting differently now that he's gone. He told me that."

"Really?"

"Yep. We've had our discussions," He smiled. "Now, eat."

"It's good," She smiled as she began eating.

"Very." He smiled back. They sat there in silence and ate their meals.

* * *

"So, how's life in DC?" Brain asked as everyone gathered in the family room to talk.

"Busy," Toby said simply. "Very busy."

"How do you guys have time for a social life?" Alex asked.

"That's easy. We don't," CJ smiled. "We work twenty hour days sometimes. The last thing we want to do is go out on a date. All we want to do is sleep."

"I can hardly stand working eight hour days," Michael laughed. "But I bet the time goes by fast."

"Sometimes too fast, other times, not fast enough," Toby smiled.

"Okay, it's after midnight," Anna walked in. "Everyone go to sleep. We have many things to do tomorrow."

"Yeah," Everyone moaned and went off to bed.

"I'll walk you out," CJ mentioned as she followed Toby out of the house.

"Are you going to get some sleep tonight?" He asked as they got out to the car.

"I'm going to try at least," She smiled. "You?"

"Yeah, I have to make a few calls, but I'll be going to sleep soon."

"Do you have any idea how much this means to me that you came?" She grabbed his hand. "I couldn't do this without you."

"I have some idea. Who was there when my father died?"

"That was different," CJ looked down. He reached up and lifted her chin.

"You helped me that day. Allow me to do the same for you," He whispered.

"I will," She whispered back. Toby gave her a quick kiss and smiled.

"Goodnight."

"Goodnight," She said as he got in the car. She watched him drive away before turning back. She saw her mom standing outside watching her with a huge grin on her face. "Don't start mom," CJ mumbled as they both walked in.

TBC


	7. Learning to Remember 7

Part 7

"Hello," A groggy voice answered after the fifth ring.

"Sam?" Toby asked confused. "What are you doing?"

"Sleeping, like a normal person would at this hour. Who is this?"

"Who do you think it is?" Toby snapped.

"Oh, hey," Sam sat up. "You made it."

"Yeah, I was going to call earlier, but we just went straight to CJ's house."

"How is she?"

"She's good. I think being with her family will help her."

"Where are you?"

"At a hotel about five miles away."

"You didn't stay with her?"

"I'm just sleeping here. Besides, there's no room at the house, everyone's there."

"Yeah. How did you talk her into letting you go with her?"

"I'm persuasive, Sam."

"Okay," Sam said unconvinced.

"Anything happen?"

"You've been gone one day."

"Sam, I bumped you up to Communications Director, it's freaking me out," Toby moaned.

"It's fine. Josh tried to do the briefing, but Leo tackled him down before he got in."

"Thank God for Leo," Toby yawned.

"Get some sleep," Sam said.

"I will, I just need to finish…"

"Toby, take time off here. I've got everything under control. Just concentrate on being there for CJ. Don't worry about work."

"What, like a vacation?"

"Well, a funeral is hardly a vacation, but yeah."

"I've never taken a vacation."

"Well, now here's your chance to start."

"Sam…"

"Toby, sleep. Wake up in the morning, spend the day with CJ and don't think about work."

"Yeah."

"I mean it. Look, if something happens that I can't handle, I'll call you. But it should be fine."

"Fine," Toby whimpered.

"Tell her we're thinking about her."

"I will," Toby smiled. "Oh, and Sam."

"Yeah?"

"Don't laugh, but tomorrow…Well, I guess it's today now, but its Ginger's birthday. Can you swing by and get her some flowers and some candy? I forgot to get them before I left."

"Are you serious?" Sam smirked.

"Yes. I always get her something once a year for her birthday. It's the boss in me, okay?"

"I'll take care of it."

"Also, let her off early. I always do that too."

"Got it."

"Thanks Sam."

"Toby."

"What?"

"Sleep."

"I'm going," Toby moaned and hung up the phone. He looked over at his desktop. He knew there were things to be done, but he thought Sam had the ability to get it done himself. Toby tossed his phone on the chair and laid down. He looked up at the ceiling and found himself, for the first time in a long while, relaxed. It felt good. He shut his eyes, and before he knew it he was fast asleep.

TBC


	8. Learning to Remember 8

Part 8

"Where's Toby?" Alex asked as he walked into the kitchen and saw CJ sitting at the table drinking coffee.

"It's eight in the morning, Alex."

"I thought you people were up before dawn."

"Well, I was. He probably doesn't want to swing by and wake everyone up."

"Everyone in this family besides you and me sleep 'till noon," Alex smiled.

"Yeah," She laughed. "Can I borrow your car?"

"Why?"

"I want to take a drive."

"You won't wreak it, will you?" He asked while dangling the keys in front of her.

"Give me the keys Alexander," She smiled.

"Fine," He handed them over. "Be careful with my baby."

"Oh for crying out loud," She laughed while walking out. "Tell mom I'll be back later."

"Are you going to pick out the stone today?"

"Yeah, I'm probably going to pick up Toby before heading out there."

"Okay, see you later."

"Bye."

CJ drove straight to the hotel and asked the clerk what room Toby was in. She thanked him and walked up to his room number.

Toby was sound asleep when he heard the knocking on his door. At first, he thought it was the maid.

"Go away," He mumbled loudly.

"Open this door Ziegler," CJ warned. Toby jumped out of bed and ran over to the door and swung it open.

"What's wrong?" He asked frantically.

"Nothing," She smiled and walked in. "It's after eight."

"No way," Toby said while closing the door. "I've never slept 'till eight before."

"First time for everything," She smiled. "Did I catch you at a bad time?" She asked while looking at his lack of attire.

"What?" Toby looked down and realized that he was only wearing boxer shorts. He jumped up and grabbed his blanket. "I'm sorry, I…I thought something was wrong…and…"

"Toby, I've seen more of you than this," She smirked. "I was wondering if you would go with me today."

"Sure, where to?" He said while giving up the blanket and finding some clothes in his suitcase.

"Mom asked me to pick out a headstone. I didn't really want to go by myself."

"Sure," He smiled while putting on his pants and shirt.

"Thanks."

"I talked to Sam last night. He told me to tell you that everyone is thinking about you."

"Really?" She smiled.

"Yeah."

"I should give them a call…"

"No, you shouldn't."

"Why?"

"Because you would call Carol and ask her to tell you what's going on over there. And I don't want your head in work right now."

"Look who's talking," CJ grinned.

"This isn't about me."

"I'll make you a deal."

"What?"

"I won't call, if you don't call," She smiled.

"Can't do that."

"Then I can't either."

"You're impossible, you know that?"

"Yes," She smirked.

"Fine. I won't call."

"Thank you," She watched him as he put his shoes on. "Hurry."

"Don't rush me."

"Did you sleep well?" She asked.

"I did. And you?"

"I did."

"Good. I'm ready."

"Finally," She grabbed his hand and they walked out.

TBC


	9. Learning to Remember 9

Part 9

"You okay?" Toby asked as they walked around, looking that the numerous headstones that were laid out.

"This just doesn't feel real," CJ said. "I mean. I woke up this morning expecting my father to run down the stairs and put his arms around me. And then he would tell me how thin I am and tell me I'm not taking care of myself," She smirked.

"Well, I can tell you that," Toby grinned. "You do know he's with you."

"I know, I just wish…I don't know…"

"You wish you could have said goodbye," Toby finished.

"Yeah," She looked over at him and nodded. "Is that wrong?"

"No," Toby shook his head. "CJ, when my father died, I felt the same way. I hated the fact that I wasn't able to make amends with him. That feeling is with me every day."

"Did you know I talked to him the night before he died?" CJ said. "He asked me how the election was going."

"He was never into politics before you started on the campaign. After that, he started taping CNN," Toby laughed.

"I think he was happy I took the job."

"I think he was too," Toby smiled. "He was very proud of you."

"Yeah?" She smiled weakly.

"I know it for sure."

"Thanks Toby," She smiled. "How about this one?" She pointed to one of the headstones.

"Looks good," He walked over and stood by her.

"He asked me when we were getting married," CJ blurted out.

"What?" Toby looked over to her confused.

"My dad," She couldn't help but laugh. "He asked if you had proposed yet."

"He was still on that?" He laughed.

"He thought we were an item."

"He's been thinking that for over twenty years."

"Yeah," She smiled. "He had a coming apart when you married Andi."

"I remember. He wouldn't stop calling me."

"Yeah, then you sent me down to calm him down. You refused to see him for years."

"Because he was mad."

"You were scared of my father?" She smiled.

"He was like, seven feet tall."

"Exaggeration," CJ laughed. "It was more six-foot-eight."

"Excuse me," He smiled as he rolled his eyes.

"Have you decided on one ma'am?" The clerk came over.

"I think we'll take this one," She pointed to the one in front of her. "Yeah?" She looked over at Toby.

"Yeah," He nodded.

"Okay, I'll take the order down," The clerk said and walked away.

"I never want to pick out a headstone again," CJ said while grabbing Toby's hand and followed the clerk.

"We'll deliver the stone tomorrow morning so they can set it up."

"That will be fine," CJ nodded and paid the clerk.

"You did good," Toby said while rubbing her back.

"Thank you," She smiled. "Lets go," She got the receipt and went out to the car.

"Do you notice that smell?" Toby asked.

"Yeah, it's called clean air," CJ said sarcastically.

"It's nice," Toby stood near the car and looked up to the sky. "I haven't done this in ages."

"What?" She walked over next to him.

"Just look at things. I usually just bypass them, like they're nothing."

"You're a very strange man."

"Says you. I'm very sane," He smirked.

"Have I thanked you yet for coming with me?"

"Numerous times," Toby said while still eyeing the sky.

"Did you ever think my father was right?"

"He was right on many things."

"I mean about us," She said. Toby looked over at her.

"What about us?" He questioned.

"I've never been really lucky when it comes to love. I mean, my longest relationship was six months."

"Yeah, my track record is the best," Toby said sarcastically.

"But then there's us. We've been friends for twenty years."

"Yeah."

"Have you ever thought there might be more here then just…you know…friendship?"

"Yes," He said simply. "But I don't think this is the time or place to discuss it…"

"Why?" She said sharply. "My father taught me to live my life the best I can. No matter what. I remember when his father died, he was devastated, but he told us that life goes on, and he would have wanted it that way. My father felt the same way. He hated dealing with emotion. That's why my family's home right now laughing at the good times, but not dwelling on the bad."

"CJ…"

"Why not discuss it?"

"Because we've tried before, but…" He couldn't help but burst out laughing.

"Toby?" CJ smiled as he leaned against the car to catch his breath.

"CJ, do you remember when your father locked us up in the barn overnight. We were fighting over something, and he told us we couldn't leave until we made up."

"I wasn't talking about that," She felt her smile widened.

"We made up, but then we kissed. But for the life of us, we couldn't stop laughing. It was too weird," He laughed. "Every time our lips came close, we busted up laughing."

"I remember that," She started laughing.

"But we can't say that we didn't try," He smiled.

"Good point," She smiled. "We should get back to the house."

"Yeah, I get to drive though," He grabbed the keys and ran to the driver's seat.

TBC


	10. Learning to Remember 10

Part 10

"Claudia, you two just made it for lunch," Anna smiled after CJ and Toby entered the house. "I hope you like egg sandwiches'," She looked over at Toby.

"I love them," Toby smiled.

"How did it go?" Anna asked CJ.

"It went fine," She nodded.

"Thank you for doing this," Anna smiled and kissed CJ on the cheek.

"No problem."

"I'm just glad you didn't have to do it alone," Anna smiled and patted Toby on the back.

"Me too," CJ smiled.

"Here you go," Anna quickly grabbed two plates and handed one to Toby and the other to CJ. "Eat up."

"Thanks mom."

"Thank you," Toby smiled.

"So, how long do you two intend to stay here?" Anna asked while making herself a plate and sitting next to them.

"However long it takes," CJ smiled.

"Claudia, I do understand that you have a job. I don't want you to risk it because of this."

"I talked with the President and the Chief of Staff, they both said CJ could stay as long as she needed," Toby nodded.

"Thank you Toby," Anna smiled. "You seem to be taking care of my Claudia very well."

"I try," He smirked. "I do want her to stay as long as she wants. I think it would do her good to be away for a while."

"You two do know I'm in the room?" CJ smiled.

"You have a good man here Claudia," Anna smiled.

"He's a good friend. One of the best," She winked over in Toby's direction.

"So, as long as Claudia stays here, you get some time off too," Anna said to Toby.

"Actually, I was going to head home the day after the funeral."

"What?" CJ and Anna both said together.

"I thought it would be best," Toby said quietly, avoiding the glares pointed in his direction.

"Best for whom?" Anna said.

"This is a time for family…"

"Tobias Ziegler, you are family," Anna patted Toby on the back. "I let you stay at a hotel. But I will not let you leave just yet."

"She's right," CJ nodded.

"But…"

"I don't want to hear it," Anna smiled. "I'm more stubborn than you. Trust me. I'll win."

"Yes ma'am," Toby smirked and began to eat his sandwich.

"Well, tell me why you two haven't gotten together yet?" Anna asked out of the blue.

"What?" CJ and Toby both looked at her in shock. Toby managed to spill most of his lunch in his lap.

"Don't look at me like that. You've known each other for twenty damn years. Are you telling me that you haven't even thought about it."'

"About what?" Toby asked.

"Relationship. Family. Love. Sex."

"Mother!" CJ snapped. She could feel her face heating up.

"Twenty years with no sex. How did that happen?"

"I adapted," Toby smirked.

"Toby!" CJ kicked him from under the table. "Mom, why are…"

"Oh, don't act all shy with the subject. I know you have sex."

"This conversation is not happening," CJ covered her face up with her hands, while Toby smiled widely.

"But my question is, why not Toby?"

"CJ usually goes for the tall and burly men," Toby laughed.

"I do not," CJ defended. "I'm a sucker for romance."

"Toby's not romantic?" Anna wondered.

"Why are we having this discussion?" CJ asked while putting her head down on the table.

"What can I say, I'm not a very romantic guy," Toby smirked.

"You're having too much fun with this," CJ glared.

"I know," He smiled.

"I think Toby is a very romantic guy. Who else would drop everything and come with you to your fathers funeral?" Anna asked.

"He's protective," CJ smiled.

"He reminds me of your father," Anna smiled. "He's got that proudness in his eyes," Anna said while lifting Toby's head up. "I think he would make some woman very happy. And I don't see why that someone couldn't be you, but that could be just me," Anna smiled.

"It is only you mom," CJ shook her head in embarrassment. She looked over at Toby who was grinning. "Stop that."

"Stop what?" Toby asked innocently.

"Grinning like an idiot," She kicked him again.

"Sorry."

TBC


	11. Learning to Remember 11

Part 11

"So, are you going to stay?" CJ asked as she pulled into the parking lot at the hotel.

"I can if you need me too," Toby looked over at her.

"It's okay if you don't. They probably need you back at work," CJ laughed nervously.

"CJ, I can stay," Toby grabbed her hand after she parked the car.

"Why are you doing this?" She looked over at him. "I mean, why have you always been there when I needed you?"

"Isn't that what friends are for?"

"All of this was beyond the call of duty, Toby. I mean, getting on a plane the last minute to be with me."

"CJ. My whole life, I've never had anything consistent that was worth a damn. Except this," Toby looked at her. "CJ, you are the one thing that has always stayed consistent. And it's something I want to keep."

"You've always told me the one thing that scares you is consistency," She smiled weakly.

"It is. But this is the only thing I have that's been that way. So I don't have a lot to compare it too," He smirked. "But it's something I want to keep. And if that means getting on a plane at the last minute to be with you, then I'll do it," He whispered.

They sat in silence for a few minutes, just looking at each other. CJ felt the grip on her hand tighten as he moved closer to her. She leaned in as well and closed her eyes. She waited for his lips to kiss her, but she didn't. When she opened her eyes, she saw him looking into her eyes. They were nose to nose when he backed away.

"I'm sorry," Toby said quickly. "I should go," He grabbed his jacket and opened the door. CJ sat in the car in shock as he walked up to his room. She didn't know what exactly happened. She could feel her body shake. Only Toby could make her feel like this. They've had over twenty years together, bantering and flirting. Yet they never did anything more. The one time they tried to kiss, they couldn't stop laughing. They were best of friends. But could there really be more there?

CJ turned the car around and drove back to the house. While driving, she kept wondering what Toby was thinking. Why did he just leave? Why couldn't he kiss her?

* * *

"Hey Claudia," Alex was sitting on the swing outside when CJ pulled up.

"Hey," CJ got out of the car and walked over, sitting on the swing next to him.

"Are you okay, you look like you just seen a ghost."

"Alex, can I ask you a question?"

"Sure."

"Well, you and I have always had a trusting relationship, right?"

"Yeah."

"And every time I had a problem, I would come to you."

"Yeah."

"And you never judged me."

"Claudia, what happened?" Alex asked worried.

"Do you see anything between me and Toby?"

"What?" Alex smiled.

"I mean. You seem to like him."

"Yeah."

"And the rest of the family like him too."

"Yeah."

"I'm just saying…"

"Claudia, I've been telling you for years my thoughts on this whole thing."

"But why do you think that way. Every time I talked to you or dad, you asked when Toby and I were getting married."

"Toby won over dad because he took care of you. He gave dad his word nothing would happen to you. Toby won me over by doing to same thing. He loves you, you can see it in his eyes."

"He does not…"

"He does. And you love him. God put you two on this planet to be with each other. Dad and I knew that, and we tried to push that to happen. But God made you two so stubborn. That's why it's been twenty years and you or Toby hasn't even realized it yet. I believe that there's one person out there for everyone. Julie is my one person. She's the love of my life. Dad was mom's one person. And Toby's your one person."

"Why do you say that?"

"Because you two are just alike on some things, and completely different in other things. Claudia, there wasn't a day that went by that Dad didn't mention you and Toby. He knew that he was dying. He joked that he could be mean and leave you a note saying his last wish was that you and Toby marry, but he wasn't that cruel," Alex laughed.

"He was going to do that?" CJ asked in mock horror.

"Yeah, but he thought you two had to find each other on your own. Look at me, I'm hardly the romantic type of guy, but I see it."

"See what?"

"The love that you two have built, yet you never ponder it," Alex stood up. "I'm going to bed. Just think about what I said," Alex bent down and kissed CJ on the head and walked into the house. CJ sat out there for about an hour, taking in all what her brother just said. Maybe he was right. Maybe there is something there that she never paid any attention to.

TBC


	12. Learning to Remember 12

Part 12

CJ and Toby stayed pretty quiet the next day. He came over around noon and mostly talked with her brothers and uncles. CJ helped her mom with the food and the settings for the funeral tomorrow.

"So, what's going on?" Anna asked. But CJ didn't hear her, she was staring out at Toby. All the women in the kitchen started laughing, causing CJ to jump and look over at her mother.

"I'm sorry, what?" CJ asked.

"I asked what's going on? You seem distracted."

"I'm fine," CJ smiled.

"Then why have you been staring at Toby all afternoon. It's almost eight and you haven't even talked to him."

"It's nothing," CJ said quietly.

"Could you all excuse us for a moment?" Anna asked everyone in the room.

"Sure," Everyone smiled and walked out, leaving Anna and CJ alone.

"Will you tell me now?" Anna asked.

"Mom, nothing happened," CJ said.

"I know my daughter. Now something is going on. You and Toby haven't stopped talking since you got here, and now today, you two haven't even been in the same room with each other."

"Mom…"

"Claudia, please tell me," Anna looked at CJ and nodded.

"Last night I took Toby back to the hotel, and then I came home and talked with Alex."

"Alexander told me about your talk, but he says you were acting strange even before the talk. Did something happen between you and Toby?"

"No, nothing happened."

"Did you want something to happen?"

"Mom, I'm here for you and the family. Not for, you know…"

"Sex."

"Mom, please," CJ gave Anna a look that made her laugh.

"Claudia, it's not like it's my first time hearing it."

"I know, but that word isn't supposed to come out of my mom's mouth. It's just wrong."

"Tell me what happened," Anna asked again. CJ took a deep breath and looked up at her mother. It dawned on her that they haven't been able to talk like this forever.

"When I took him back to the hotel, we had a, I don't know, a moment or something."

"Or something?"

"He leaned in, and I leaned in…"

"Yeah?" Anna smiled.

"Then he looked at me and jumped out of the car. Then he walked into his room."

"Without saying anything?"

"Yeah. Then I get back and my World turns upside down because of what Alex says. I always thought you guys just thought it was fun to torture me. I didn't really think you thought Toby was the one."

"Well, we do love to torture you, but I honestly think Toby is your man. You told me about that time in the barn. When you two were about to kiss, but started laughing. You said it was because you two were just friends."

"We are just friends."

"But what happened last night? It sounds like neither of you started laughing."

"Maybe…"

"That's what scared him," Anna finished. "Listen, the funeral is tomorrow. Why don't we just get through that before we tackle something else?"

"That's the best idea you've had since I got here," CJ laughed.

"Thanks a lot," Anna joked. "Tomorrow's Friday. I made arrangement for you and Toby to leave on Sunday."

"Mom…"

"Nope, you have a job to get back too. But I want you two to visit more than twice a year. Do you understand me?"

"Yes mom."

"Good," Anna smiled. "Lets finish the cooking," She said as she called everyone else back in to get everything done.

"So, what's going on with you and Claudia?" Brain asked.

"Yeah, you two haven't talked at all today," Michael added.

"Yes we did." Toby said.

"Yeah, she asked you if you wanted dinner and you said sure. End of discussion," Alex laughed.

"See, we talked."

"Lovers spat," Brain smiled.

"Don't you three have something to do?" Toby asked.

"We're doing it," They all laughed. "It's called, relaxing. You should try it."

"I'm relaxed. Look at me. I'm in a tee-shirt and shorts. This is relaxing."

"It's the middle of February, why are you in shorts?" Alex asked.

"I'm used to below zero temperature. This is tropical to me."

"It's 33 degrees outside."

"It's a heat wave. Talking about a heat wave," Toby started to sing.

"I'm leaving, he's freaking me out," Brain laughed as he walked back into the house.

TBC


	13. Learning to Remember 13

Part 13

The next day, Toby met up at the house around eight. The funeral was going to be held at nine. As everyone got ready, Toby waited outside for CJ.

"Hey, sorry it took so long," CJ said as she walked out.

"It's fine," Toby said softly.

"You look good."

"It's the only suit I brought," Toby and CJ both found themselves looking up or down instead of at each other.

"Hey, sorry. Julie was having problems with her dress," Alex ran out.

"Is it because she's eight months pregnant?" CJ said sarcastically.

"That could be a possibility," Alex nodded. "Good morning Toby." He said while shaking his hand.

"Good morning."

"Did you two make up yet?"

"Nothing happened!" CJ snapped.

"Okay, it's time, everyone. Lets go," Anna came out. "I'm riding with Toby and CJ, the rest of you fend for yourselves," She said while walking up to the car.

"Thanks a lot, mom," Brian and Michael moaned as they got in Alex's car.

"I'm driving," Anna took the keys from Toby and got in the car. "I want you two in the back."

"Mom…"

"Today is not a day to anger me," Anna warned as both CJ and Toby quickly slid in the back. "While we're driving to the church, I want us to have a little chat."

"Mom, this isn't the time…"

"Claudia Jean Cregg, not now. I want to know what's up with you two."

"Nothing," They both said.

"Then why won't you talk?"

"We're talking," CJ said. "We talked this morning…"

"About today. Not about that night."

"You told her?" Toby snapped at CJ.

"What? Don't snap at me. Alex told her."

"Alex knows?" Toby tossed his arms up in the air.

"So what, he knows everything," CJ defended.

"So, you want to spill it Toby, or do I have to pull this car around?"

"I'll make you both a deal," Toby said calmly.

"Okay," Anna and CJ said together.

"After today, I'll talk to CJ about it. But right now, we keep our heads in one place."

"But I won't know what will be said," Anna whined.

"I'm sure CJ will tell you right after," Toby said sarcastically.

"I want you both to know I had a talk with my husband last night. I told him what was going on around here. I know he's listening to me. And he is upset that you two are fighting, especially on the day of his funeral."

"We're not fighting," Toby said.

"He loved you like a son Toby. I don't want you ever to forget that. He expects you to watch over Claudia, even now that he's gone," Anna wiped away the tears.

"Mom, why are you worrying about this so much," CJ asked while rubbing her mom's back.

"Because I want you two to be happy. Being with your father made me happy every day. And it took me too long to find him. I don't want you two to have to wait forever. You should have that happiness now when you're young."

"But we're not young," CJ pointed out.

"You're younger then I am," Anna snapped. "Love can be the one thing that keeps you going. It can be the one thing that makes everything around you better. Even though your father was sick, the love we had made him feel good. And we lived every moment to our advantage. He waited until he thought it was time to go. And he went, peacefully and lovingly," Anna said. "Every minute counts in this life. Take it and grab onto it for dear life. Because it will let you live the way you want too."

After Anna speech, CJ and Toby sat in the back in silence. Both looking out the window, taking in everything she just said. She had lived through it all, and she knew how to go on. Maybe they should take the time and follow what she started.

TBC


	14. Learning to Remember 14

Part 14

After the service, everyone went over to the cemetery for the burial. CJ's father had asked for a small funeral, nothing fancy. The only people that had come were close family members. As everyone walked out to the burial site, Toby walked up to CJ's side and took her hand. She looked over slowly and smiled weakly. For the first time, it was finally sinking in. CJ squeezed his hand tighter as everyone said his or her goodbyes. CJ felt the tears stream down her face, but as she looked around, she knew she wasn't the only one. She even saw the tears fall from Toby's eyes. It was the only time after his own father died that he cried real tears.

"Go on," Toby whispered into her ear. CJ nodded and walked over to the casket. She put the red rose she was holding on top of it and bent down. She kissed the top on the casket and told her father that she loved him. As she backed away, she felt Toby grab hold of her. She looked over at him. "I have you." He whispered again. CJ smiled weakly again as she wrapped her arms around him and cried. He moved them both away so Anna could say goodbye as well. As the burial concluded, everyone walked back to his or her car. Anna was walking with her boys, and CJ was still with Toby.

"That was lovely mom," Brain said while kissing Anna on the cheek.

"I think he liked it," She nodded. "Claudia," Anna walked over to her and wrapped her arms around her.

"It was lovely mom," CJ cried out.

"Yes, it was," Anna looked into CJ's eyes. "Remember, he's still watching you," Anna said while wiping away CJ's tears.

"I know," CJ nodded. "I'm just not ready to say goodbye yet."

"I know. But remember, he went to a better place. He's in no more pain," Anna said while hugging her.

"I know."

"I miss him too, honey. But I know for a fact he was ready to go."

"Really?"

"He told me the night before he died that he was ready. So I know he's happy right now."

"She's right Claudia," Michael smiled.

"Yeah," Alex agreed.

"Now, lets all go home and get some food," Anna said. "Toby, I'll even let you drive." She handed him the keys.

"Thank you," He smiled as everyone got in his or her car.

"I'm very proud of you," Toby whispered to CJ.

"For what?" She looked at him in shock.

"Everything," He smiled and helped her into the car.

* * *

At the house, more family showed up. In less then an hour, all the food was gone. Anna gave up and told everyone to fend for themselves if they got hungry. Toby was talking with one of CJ's uncles when he noticed CJ walk outside. He excused himself and walked after her, not noticing that everyone in the room were watching him.

"Hey," He said while walking out to the swings where CJ was.

"Hey," She smiled up at him as he sat in the swing next to her.

"I wanted to apologize…"

"It's fine," She stopped him. "I understand."

"You don't know what I was going to say," He said.

"That's the beauty of our relationship," She smirked.

"CJ…"

"Toby, honestly, it's fine."

"I should have stayed," He blurted out.

"What?"

"In the car. I should have stayed."

"You didn't want to. It was fine."

"Can you stop saying that please?" Toby asked while looking at her.

"Saying what?"  
"That it's fine. It's not."

"Toby…" CJ started but stopped after Toby grabbed her swing and pulled her close to him.

"Do you have any idea how much I wanted to kiss you that night?"

"You didn't," She whispered.

"Yes, I did. But it scared me because it was the first time I got that close to you and didn't start laughing. When we laugh, it relieves the tension. I wasn't even close to laughing that night," He said.

"I was scared too."

"After Andi, I swore I was done with this. That the one for me just wasn't out there," He looked into her eyes. He leaned in closer and gently kissed her lips. When he pulled away, he brushed her hair back. "But maybe that one person has been in front of me the whole time," He whispered.

"I've spent my whole life learning to remember everything my parents taught me about life. But maybe it's time to start learning on my own."

"Or with the person you love," Toby whispered back. "Love can be the greatest gift Claudia. Maybe this can be the one consistency that teaches us something about life."

"What if it doesn't?"

"Then we can't say that we didn't try," Toby kissed CJ again. "We have to at least try."

"Yes," She smiled.

"Yes," He smiled back. "I love you."

"I love you too," She leaned forward and kissed him as everyone in the house stared out the window with smiling faces.

"You did it," Anna looked up at the sky. She knew her husband was smiling tonight.

The End


End file.
